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Weight Loss Tips from the Hip!

We have all heard them.  Your grandmother’s advice or your neighbor’s recommendation about how you can lose weight fast and easily.  Weight loss tips are as ubiquitous as people looking to lose weight (not without coincidence).  Now it is my turn to spread the…er, wisdom.

Let me tell it to you like everyone else who passes on weight loss tips: listen to me, I know.  I am thin.  First, if you’re going to listen to anyone’s weight loss tips, if they’re a bit chubby –or worse, look like they’re trying to smuggle a small child in their pants, avoid their advice, unless they’ve come clean and admitted that they’ve never tried “the nectar diet” or “the Mongolian water yak dance” themselves.  Then there may just be some hope.

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Everyone’s Body and Motivation is Different

The thing that you should remember about weight loss tips (well, actually there is about fifty “things” to remember), is that everyone’s body and motivation is different.  Therefore, whatever weight loss tips may work for Mandy over on Moon Street, might not work for Simon over at Schuster Avenue.  Maybe “Mandy’s” only seventeen and Simon is seventy.  Alternatively, Simon might have had a kidney removed two years before.  On the other hand, maybe Mandy is just plain blessed with great genes.

Okay, here are a few of my own personal weight loss tips, to add to the pigpen of “maybes” and “could be’s.” I should say that absolutely none of this is original, but all of it true (just like Aunt Judy’s weight loss tips).

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Plenty of Water

First, drink lots of water.  Gallons of the stuff.  This not only keeps you constant (which really does help trim the fat a bit), but raises your metabolism, which is all-important.  Further, by drinking water, (more than 8 tall glasses a day, by God!), you’re helping to stave off hunger by filling your belly and also by informing that part of your mind that keeps screaming “Feeeeeed meee!” that you’re fed and well.

Another, more modest of my personal recommendations is to eat a spoonful of mustard every day.  I don’t mean the fancy gourmet mustard that we all like so much (you know the type: it usually has a French name, is full of mustard seeds, tastes great, and rips your wallet apart in trying to pay for it (not to mention all of the calories).  No, I am talking about good ol’ bright yellow, seedless, ballpark mustard.  A spoonful a day will also raise the ol’ metabolism, which is good.  (In addition, as a side note, after eating the mustard your breath will keep muggers away, so make sure you take care of that, too.)

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Good Habits

Finally, there is the bit of advice my mother told me when I was but a wee boy: “Get into good habits now, son, so you won’t turn out fat, like me.”  I followed her advice, and while I still strain to get my arms around mom to hug her, I am as thin today as then.  Chances are, you’re not reading this while still a child, but remember, if you treat today as a day during your childhood, and begin living your dreams and achieving your goals, you too will be thin, very soon.  That is my tip for the day.

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